They say sex is like pizza—even when it’s bad, it’s good. But when it comes to the art of kissing, that rule does not apply.
From bad breath to a total lack of fundamental understanding, so much can go wrong on both sides of a smooch. However, there are a few problems that seem exclusive to our male counterparts.
1. Sometimes less is more. While a little tongue can be nice, no one is here for a game of tonsil hockey. Seriously, it feels like there is a dying fish flopping in my mouth. Move past middle school.
2. Read our lips…and the rest of our body language. We get that guys aren’t mind readers, but there’s no excuse for being completely oblivious. If we pull back or are obviously trying to change the rhythm, take notice. Otherwise you might as well grab a mannequin.
3. PDA isn’t for everyone. For most people a peck in a public space, like at a party or on the street, is fine. But let’s keep it G-rated. While some women like a long make-out session up against the bar jukebox, a lot of us don’t. Even if it’s 2 a.m. and last call.
4. Neither is biting. If your teeth graze our lips, we won’t hold it against you—but that’s where it ends. Didn’t we learn this in kindergarten? You can’t just go around biting people, willy-nilly. If you’re into that, no judgment, but please ask before you go all Edward Cullen on us.
5. There’s no shame in asking for feedback. “You like that?” can take you SO far. Seriously, why do guys think of this as a sign of weakness? And spoiler alert: You have to actually listen to the response. Don’t just ask because you feel you have to and then keep going about your weirdo kissing business. If you get a "hmm, not really" that means this smooch isn't working out. Your next question should be, “What do you like?”
6. Hickies are juvenile. You can kiss and gently suck on a person’s neck without branding them. We are not cattle; we are women.
7. There’s a difference between being dominant and being forceful. Men can take charge without being aggressive and pushy. Yet, somehow, so many dudes are unaware of this. For example: If it feels like you're face-raping us with your mouth, slow your roll.
8. Follow our lead. Women kiss the way they would like to be kissed. It's pretty much the golden rule of making out. Mirror us and you can’t go wrong.
9. Stop touching our face so much. Seriously. Unless this is the climax of a Nicholas Sparks film, there is no reason for your hands to be all up in our grill. The germaphobe in us is thinking about all the gross things you’ve touched that day, like bathroom doors and your balls. Not romantic. This goes triple for randos we just met—stop.
10. Get excited but not too excited. We’re flattered that a kiss can turn you on that much. Truly. But most of us don’t appreciate your boner rubbing up against us after a few moments of lip locking. Even worse is when you purposefully push it on us. No, thanks.
11. Slow the eff down. This is not a race, and no one is playing to win. We get that sometimes passion can pick up the pace, but there’s no need to be over eager. Slow and steady wins the girl.