I know because I was there: reading and absorbing everything I could in my own pursuit of lasting, healthy love. I found myself more frustrated than satisfied. More hopeless than hopeful that true and lasting love was possible for me. Finally, I tossed aside all the books and everything I had "learned" about manifesting and embarked on my own journey.
Through my journey, I discovered that manifesting is a lot more than spiritually bypassing the "believe it and you will see it" idea that's so popular in today's culture. It was through this honest and personal journey that I discovered a thoroughly modern, distilled, and pragmatic means through which we manifest what we desire in a way that provides both sustainable attraction and long-lasting change to our lives. This process helps us to authentically manifest very real, very tangible things in our life, and there is no place more deserving, and more wanted, of this tried-and-true form of manifesting than our personal romantic relationships. So, let’s get started:
1. Know your worth.
One of the very first things I guide my clients through is an in-depth exploration of self-worth. By magnetizing this area and removing blocks that keep us rooted in low self-esteem, we begin to shift how easefully we are capable of attracting quality people to us. It's important to note that many of these subconscious beliefs around worth are created in our formative years and center heavily around our caretakers and life experiences during this time.
If you need help uncovering and reprogramming these beliefs, you may wish to work with someone who can guide you. This is a fundamental step, however, as when our self-worth is low we find this reflected in the people who are drawn to us. It’s not that we are not worthy of high quality, healthy, and beautiful people and relationships! It’s that we must believe and be so firmly rooted in high self-worth that we ARE in fact worthy of this in order for these people and relationships to enter our lives.
2. Know what you want—and also what you don't.
This will go against a lot of what we have been taught and has been beaten into our minds regarding manifesting, but it’s high time we debunk this myth. The root of all of our manifesting comes from the highly generative subconscious, not our thoughts. You manifest what you don’t want by having a subconscious, which is heavily rooted in limiting beliefs, all of which center around your being unable, unworthy, or incapable of having that which you desire.
Knowing the type of partner you are looking for (adventurous, compassionate, conscious), how you wish to feel by him/her (supported, loved, accepted), as well as what you don’t want (liars, cheaters, unwilling to commit) is central to forming a list that encapsulates what you are and are not looking for.
This list then serves as your petition to the subconscious, to the Universe, of what you desire and are calling forth. It is worth noting in this section that you cannot manifest someone into loving or finally committing to you. You can only manifest for the self, so save yourself the time and the creation of more low self-worth. If someone needs to be manifested or otherwise led into loving you, then they are not worthy of the love you provide.
3. Think small.
When I was first manifesting love, I was all about the destination. Sound familiar? We want a healthy relationship, lots of passion, intimacy, and loyalty in the form of readily available and unwavering commitment. We want the marriage and the white picket fence with 2.5 kids. All of this is great and a wonderful stretch goal, but the truth is, when I was trying to manifest these things I hadn’t been on a date in over six months! Which made this list of what I wanted a bit out of reach vibrationally and practically.
I had to start first with manifesting dating experiences. By opening up the pathways for energy to flow through these dating experiences, I was moving myself closer and closer to the ultimate goal: making manifesting that a lot more practical than when I hadn’t been out on a date in half a year. Take your big goal and begin chunking it down until you have several smaller goals. These are exponentially easier to manifest and draw toward, you and as these things are manifested, you find you are organically and very efficiently moving yourself closer to your ultimate goal. Think of manifesting as being like a recipe. You have to follow the steps in the order they are provided if you want that dish to taste sublime.
4. Be prepared for the tests.
When I was first manifesting a partner, I was surprised to see how many ex-lovers started to roll into my life. It took me off my game for a while because I saw the arrival of old lovers as a sign. Maybe they were ready! Or maybe I was being tested.
Same goes for when someone who almost fit my list would arrive on the scene. I would allow self-doubt to tell me I was being too picky or that I shouldn’t let a good one go because who knows if this is it? Nope, I was being tested. The universe will test us with the proverbial carrot to test our resolve. Are we fully rooted in our worth and not willing to settle for less than what we know we deserve? Do we want a partner more than we want the self-respect of fully intact self-worth? Are we willing to settle for less?
Don’t worry if you have "failed" a test. I've failed many. It may set us back a bit, but it does not in any way, shape, or form mean that we have failed the art of manifesting. It simply means we must get even more dialed into what we desire as well as our self-worth so that when the next test arrives, we pass with flying colors.
5. Be ready to receive.
Our subconscious beliefs serve as the programming we upload to the computer of our brain. These beliefs program our brain on what information to accept and process and what information to ignore and reject. This is a necessary function of our brain, as it is subjected to millions of bits of information every minute and cannot possibly take in and process all of it. It is our beliefs that then inform our brain on what information to accept. So if you believe you are not worthy of love, your brain will only seek out and accept only information that affirms this and reject the plethora of evidence to the contrary. Be ready to receive that love.
We are all here with ample love to give and want to be seen, valued, and loved for who we are. Manifesting this in a partner and a relationship is absolutely possible when we take the time to move through the process. It may require a bit more work than the standard "just think it into being," but I promise you it equally brings far more sustainable satisfaction and results.