Most of us are all too familiar with the spookiest phenomenon to hit the modern dating scene – the ghost. The ghost is the date who seems warm, solid, reassuring and entirely human, only to disappear to another dimension, sometimes after the first date. They were charming, and you were charmed. You thought you had chemistry and a connection. What could have gone wrong? Ghosting is rude, and if you do find yourself let down by a sexy spectre, you’ve probably had a lucky escape. However, it can knock your confidence, so why not give these tips a try, which will keep dates keen for a second meeting and have them giving up the ghost in no time.
Keep things brief
We’ve all been on that perfect first date where eyes meet over a cocktail, and it feels as though you’re ready for marriage after three courses and coffee. Dinner dates are fun, but the trouble is that they’re too intense and don’t give you the space to build a connection. Make sure the first date is a quick coffee, and they’ll be left thinking about all of the subjects you didn’t get around to discussing – and desperate to do it again.
Don’t tell all your stories
One of the best and worst things about being single is that you’re told to bring your A game to dinner parties. There’s an unspoken pressure to perform and entertain, as your coupled up friends imply that you don’t have a partner because you’re constantly out having crazy adventures, even if the wildest thing you do is get a lasagne out of the microwave before the recommended five minutes are up. As a result, you develop a fine collection of hilarious anecdotes. Even if you know that you can tell a story that will make your date laugh until jus spurts from their nostrils, don’t feel like you have to deploy it on the first date. It’s a conversation, not a performance.
Be a bold texter but don’t bang on
There are old fashioned rules about waiting a few days to message, not being the first person to get in touch and leaving hours between replies. These rules are pointless, sexist and stupid, as well as probably being responsible for our declining birth rate. If you like someone, don’t wait to get in touch – they’ll be delighted to hear from you and impressed by your maverick style. However, once communication has been opened, don’t start messaging every hour, on the hour. That’s how you maintain a sense of mystery. But, if you suspect he is not that into you then take a step back from the phone.
Suggest something fun
During the first date, put thoughts of the second and third date in their mind with vague, yet intriguing statements like “I’ve always fancied trying rock climbing,” or “I can’t wait until it gets warm enough for a picnic at Kew Gardens.” Give the best representation of your future life – as if it’s a well filtered Instagram feed – and make them feel like they want to be in those photos with you, eating giant ice creams or dancing at the pop up silent disco at the museum. Don’t be specific about dates or times, just let them start to imagine how much fun the next few weeks with you could be.
Show that you have your own life going on
When dating, you have to walk the fine line between showing that you’re ready for a relationship and demonstrating that your life is already pretty full and exciting. It’s best to focus on the latter at the very beginning – so mention holidays with friends, work projects that you’re looking forward to and classes and workshops you intend to take. You want to show your date that your time is precious, and if they don’t fix a second meeting soon, they might miss their chance with you.
Follow Daisy Buchanan on Twitter @NotRollergirl