#lovejourneyHelen - Hi, my name is Helen. This is such an awkward blog to be writting, but i believe it's totally worth it! who knows, i may just meet Mr. Right right here! lol.
So..when i got asked to blog about my journey in meeting mr. right, i felt quite embarassed, given that i am over 30 and sooo single....what happend? "I absolutely don't know"........and is there any hope in meeting mr. right in my 30s'? "I haven't a clue either". To be honest, I am unsure why i am still single...so these weekly blogs are to..more or less....gain your advise and opinions on my dating life and to discover what i can do better or what it is i am doing wrong.....Basically, how i can better myself in being more date-able in order to attract my mr.right.
Unfortunately, i have no intentions of visiting a dating coach, my budget doesn't reach that far. I have checked prices and they come no less than £400. Considering i have to pay rent, bills etc this is really not an option for me, though i highly believe finding the love of my life is very important.
So for now, I will stick with the views, feedback and advise you guys give me and i am hoping through it all i will finally become more date-able and eventually meet the right partner for me....So....here goes!....an introduction to my journey so far:
I have been single for over 4 years now, that is not to say i have not had a few lovebirds here and there -- "A few" -- lol. I have literally tried everything, from blind dating; to speeddating; to online dating and nothing promising came out of it all. I believe my last relationship (where i was actually someone's girlfriend) was at university, which lasted for 3 years, since then its all been guys i have admired who eventually ghosted out on me.
So, I live in London, I am a bit of a geek - always on my bike cycling to work - i work in finance and i deal with a lot of figures and all that boring stuff. I'm just a very simple looking girl. I would love to look very sexy, but each time i make an effort, i end up looking normal. I mostly wear dresses and skirts, so at least i feel more feminine and not get caught up being masculine in my daily hectic life of work and trying to form a business.
At present, in my life, there are 3 lovely guys seeking my attention; James, Kenneth and Sean - no current commitments, all currently on the border-line of being friends and slightly beyond friendship................and i am in the process of trying to figure out if one of them may be the right match for me or if i may have to look beyond what is currently before me.
James - The consultant:
James is a consultant in a consultancy firm. Meeting James was an unexpected mistake. I met James in 2016 at a networking event. I initially was not attrcated to him, i just thought he was a pleasant looking guy and very easy to talk to. I happen to sit right next to him because the only chair available was the one next to him, and we got on really well in conversation. There was another James present at the event whom i spoke to and hoping to potentially form a business partnership together with. I shall call this James "The potential business partner". Both James gave me their business cards. Unfortunately i meant to communicate with James "The potential business partner", but was mistakenly sending emails to James "The consultant" thinking it was James "The potential business partner"...(...are you with me?...ok...good). After meeting in person and realising it was the wrong James, I was quite saddened, disappointed i think (i was looking foward to talking about business and making money) but i still gave the opportunity to get to know James "The consultant"..........and this was the beginning of an on going heartbeak - Only if i would have known.... lol
James and I have been on and off for 2 years now - I love James dearly and i know he loves me, but James is involved in a relationship he claims to be complicated and can't get out off. I actually last saw James wednesday 06.07.18 and we spent the evening together. I think i am the side chick, but my sister says "You are only the side chick if you think you are". I've been through all sort of emotions with James. There's been many times i thought there was no point in living each time we went our seprate ways, or each time i saw an instagram photo of him and her (yes...i was stalking James on social media...lol). I've been with James, hoping that there would be an "US", but it's been almost 2 years now and i believe it is time to let go. I would have never gotten involved if i knew his relationship with his girlfirend was very strong, but i was under the impression they were on a verge of a break up and that he was not in love with her.
I feel James suspects, my love for him is fading, in a way...i feel he's scared of losing me...i feel i brought a lot of geeky energy, encouragement, happiness and excitment in his life.......but anyway, it is what it is and i have been a fool for too long, it is time i moved on. I at times consider her (we'll call her, Imani) to be lucky to have James even though he does not love her.....wait! ...but then again, why would i want to be with a man who is disloyal? and what makes me think he would not do to me what he's doing to her?
So, the long story short....James and i are kind of together but we're slowly drifiting apart........
Kenneth - The Business Man:
Kenneth owns his own bussiness, working in the oil industry. A divorcee with 2 kids. I met kenneth whiles on holiday in april 2018. I was working in the library when he approached me and started to talk to me, asking questions who i was etc etc. Kenneth is lovely! so funny! We got on really well. He asked what i was working on, I spoke about my project and he was very impressed and interested in investing.
I believe i almost fell in love with Kenneth, i was beginning to think he was probably mr. right until he started being forceful. Yes, i do want to get married, yes i do want to be in a relationship, yes i do want to be someone's girlfriend but i refuse to be rushed, pressured and forced into a relationship.
I discovered, Kenneth is quite a possessive man, i get the impression he treats people like businesses - he seems to be "a go getter for everything" with "no" not being an option. He kept calling consistently, wanting to know what i was doing every second....he was waaaaaay ahead of me emotionally....and everytime i expressed the way i felt (lets take it slow)....i felt i was not being heard.
I last spoke to Kenneth last week thursday 07.06.18. I feel Kenneth is hurting right now because i dont feel the way he feels. He hardly calls anymore, which i am perfectly fine with as it gives me some breathing space. I genuinely like him....i just feel, emotionally he was moving too fast, he just seemed very impatient emotionally which totally killed my love for him. kenneth and i never kissed and neither have we been initimate.
So, the long story short....at the moment, there's a bit of silence between Kenneth and I.
Sean - The Entreprenuer
Sean owns his own small business in the car industry and the exporting and importing of oil. I have never met Sean in person, we've spoken twice via phone and had numerous conversations via text. I got introduced to Sean 2 weeks ago, through his cousin Charles (who is a friend of mine). Sean happend to see my photo on Charle's phone and literally forced his cousin to give my number to him (without my permission). We had our first phone conversation on sunday 10.06.18. He's such an absolutely lovely guy and having seeing his profile photos on whatsapp, also quite handsome.
I initially was giving Sean quite a hard time in getting to know me, James seemed to be confusing me, Kenneth was irritating me and i was just fed up with men. But when Sean went quiet on me (absolutely no communication, no text messages), thats when i realised i liked him and missed him.
So, the long story short....Sean has made it obvious that he likes me and I believe i do like him too...we are currently speaking to know ourselves a lot better and to see if we truly are the right match.
At present, Sean holds a stronger place in my heart. I am yet to discover if I may have to consider other options in meeting mr.right, but for now i am pleased with Sean but also considering:
So, follow me on this journey...lets see how this goes, hopfully in 3-6months (by december 2018) i should know who my mr.right is......please do offer me as much advise as possible on this journey...................trust me...i will need all the help i can get.........
so i have a question for you - where are you on your love journey?........
Next Blog #lovejourneyHelen:
Week 1: 30 and single: Just discovered the guy i was dating is getting married!!